Lights Out

The boss at My Very Worst Job had a habit of sharing too much information. I was at work one afternoon when the power when out. When it came back on, my boss returned and I was joking with him about how dark it is in the office when the lights are out. He laughed and said that he’d been in the bathroom when it went out and it’s really dark in there. We chuckled together and I thought that was the end of it.

“Yeah, it’s pretty funny,” he continued, like he was embarrassed but wanted to tell me something anyway. “I’ll tell you, because it’s just the two of us and I know you can keep a secret…

“So, I was in the bathroom and well, I’m of a certain age where doctors start checking for various illnesses and diseases by using stool samples. So, I was actually trying to collect my sample when the power went out. It was soooo dark! *chuckle chuckle* Anyway, I’ve got the collection stuff all ready and I don’t want to loose my opportunity…”

I lowered my face and covered my eyes. He charged on:

“Actually, you’ve probably never had to do this, but basically you collect the stool on a piece of cloth, then there’s this little scooper that you use to take the samples to send to the lab. Aaaanyway, I’m standing there, all of a sudden in the pitch black, all ready to collect my sample and I don’t know when I’ll get another chance, so I pull out my cell phone, open it up and set it on the counter, just for a little light. And when I’m right in the middle of things, someone calls and the ringer makes the phone vibrate right off the counter, because I’ve got my hands full and can’t answer it. Then, when it hits the floor, the battery pops off, so I’m in the pitch black again. But now, I’m crawling around with the scooper in one hand, trying to find my phone and the battery with the other. Hahaha! I’m glad the power came on when it did, because I might have been in there all day. I finally found the battery and it was clear over on the other side of the bathroom, under one of the urinals…”

At this point I was wishing the power would go off again so that I could escape under the cover of darkness.

“Anyway, pretty funny story, huh? Just don’t tell anyone. It’s way too embarrassing! Hahaha!”

Mercifully, the door opened and another employee entered. My boss accosted him in the doorway.

“Hey Keith! Want to hear a funny story? This happened just now when I was in the bathroom and the power went out. See, I was trying to collect a stool sample for…”

Yeah, it’s a pretty funny situation, just not one I want to share with my boss.