The Boss in Spain

My evil boss attended the annual global sales meeting held in Spain at some beach resort. Even before my boss got back – I had received numerous emails and phone calls about her.  When the sales force returned to the office first–they could not stop making snide remarks about my “Dumb Barbie Boss”.

Apparently while in Spain, she took the term “pool-side mixer” quite literally and decided to show up at the mixer–hosted by our chairman and the board of directors and attended by managers from around the world—wearing 5-inch heels and an itsy bitsy bikini. She was the vice president for the company’s America operations. Everyone else was wearing shorts with tees or polos.

The story goes that she pranced around the mixer and then even got drunk. Now don’t get me wrong–the evil thing had a fab shape–so I am sure that she looked amazing in a bikini. But that is the point. When a bunch of horny sales guys complain about a chick in a bikini, you know that really means some serious boundaries were crossed.

They called her “Bimbo Boss” until she finally got fired.

High-Level HR Intrigue

No one liked the VP of HR, except for her own assistant and the President’s Assistant (she used to buy them stuff, including lunch daily–and even took them on vacation with her and her husband). One day she and the President’s Assistant had an argument and falling-out. One week later, two police officers showed up at our office and arrested the Assistant–right at her desk in front of everyone. The VP claimed the Assistant had stolen her credit card. Then the VP threatened the President (her boss) with a lawsuit if he did not fire his Assistant–so he did.

The Assistant had a new job elsewhere within one week…

What the VP did not know was that I was dating a cop at the time and found out that the officers that came to “arrest” her had no charges to file and simply let her go once they got to the station–no paperwork was even filed! You see the VP’s husband was a detective. The whole thing was showboated just to embarrass the President’s Assistant and get her fired!

Suffice it to say the VP of HR was eventually fired herself – for oh so many reasons…

Not So Exotic

MVWJ was at a place that sold exotic birds. There were hundreds of them, and I had to take care of them AND sell them. I had to feed them and change their water, which involved emptying all of their poop-filled water and food bowls into a huge bucket, which turned into the most nauseating smelling concoction ever. I also had to clean their living spaces, which just meant grabbing the poop-covered wood shavings with my hands and dumping it into the garbage. I also wasn’t allowed to remove the birds from their living spaces when I did this, and most of them were extremely territorial. They would scream and bite my hands and arms while I was covered in their poop.

There was this guy that worked there in his 70s who wore the most awful toupee I’ve ever seen. He was very nice to me when I started working there, but I quickly realized that it was because he was a total perv. He would go into the back room with this other older woman who worked there and have sex, leaving me to take care of the entire store. He also had a wife in the hospital. One time he grabbed my waist and told me I had a flat stomach in front of this older woman (who he was trying to make jealous). I snapped and told him he was creepy. After that he told me he hated me (mature) and that he wished he didn’t have to work with me because I wasn’t “nice.”

I finally had enough and gave my two weeks notice, telling the store’s boss everything about this guy and why I couldn’t work with him anymore. A few months later, I learned that he was fired because he was caught on the security camera stealing thousands of dollars over the many years that he worked there

The Nurse Gang

I just quit/got fired from my very worst job about 30 minutes ago. It was one of those typical movie scenarios:  I said “Hey, I quit.” and they followed it up with “You can’t quit you’re fired!!”

Desperate for some extra money while I was completing my social work internship, I decided to accept a part-time job as a janitor for a community health center in my town. I was in charge of cleaning the gynecologist office as well at the family practice.  I could go into work whenever I wanted after the doctors left, so it fit my schedule perfectly. Sounds great, right?  Wrong.

Right away I got a lot of stares. A few of the nurses knew that I am openly gay so that quickly spread around the practice. Eventually I was called into the HR director’s office for a stern lecture about my dreadlocks and my love of only owning and wearing men jeans (I’m a girl), I was warned that if I didn’t basically fem it up, I would be written up. Did I mention that I worked completely alone at night, and the only time anyone saw me was when I was walking from my car into the building?

My first day at work had me on my hands and knees picking up the remnants of Taco Bell cheese and Subway lettuce that the nurses left behind at the gyno office. Did it hurt my pride? Sure. But, I was all about the $12 an hour I was making. The following week, the nurses at the gynecologist office decided to test my will by throwing away KFC chicken, leftover Jimmy John’s, and whatever fast food junk they happened to be eating that day into every single exam room. Even the ones that weren’t used that day, meaning that I wouldn’t usually have to clean them. But, once something is thrown in the trash, it’s considered used and the room had to be cleaned. Eventually fed up with all this food nonsense, I told my supervisor who confronted the nurses, and they were eventually given a verbal warning, and they admitted to everything.

But the bullshit didn’t stop there.

The receptionist at the family practice took it upon herself to “throw away” scissors at the beginning up the day, and of course throughout the day dirty diapers and urine sample cups were piled upon these “broken” scissors at the bottom of the waste can.  Imagine my delight when I lifted up the trash only to have diapers, piss, and dirty latex gloves fall at my feet. This time when I told my supervisor, nothing was done.

The final straw was last week, when I threw away a week old, half-eaten cake that was starting to attract ants. Of course, the next day the nurses were in the mood for some coffee and cake, and were appalled to find that I had thrown it away. After spamming my work e-mail with their ridiculous complaints, I decided to purchase them a new cake. I had the baker write “Sorry about the old cake. From, J.” Obviously this action was completely rude on my part, so I got written up for it. Sick up the bullshit, I quit today.

Although, my supervisor made sure to add that I was going to get fired anyway because the picture frames were too dusty in the building.

Employee of the Year

At first this job was a dream solely because of the dramatically improved hours. I had been working the graveyard shift for five years and had had enough. I found a mid-level job with a local insurance company to be perfect for me as did the person who hired me. Three people including me were doing the same job which allowed us to split up the work in a manageable fashion. I quickly excelled in the job and was even awarded employee of the year!  Then things went bad. My boss went on maternity leave. The three of us were expected to pitch in to cover her workload. With the help of a temp, we were able to get it all done with four people. Apparently, we did so good of a job that when my boss came back from leave, it was decided that one of my fellow worker’s positions was no longer necessary and he was fired.

The “ghost work” that was left behind was split up between the remaining two people. From then on, there was never enough time to get our daily tasks done. And to make matters worse, they no longer approved overtime hours.  So it was either work until your 40 hours are up and get written up for not finishing or work overtime to finish the work and not get paid for it. My boss began making comments when we left to go out for lunch too so I began working through lunch in my cubicle. That year, my week long vacation request was rejected. My boss said they needed me there and that I shouldn’t ask for that much time off. Instead, I requested a few Fridays off a month until my vacation time was exhausted. I got yelled at for ruining everyone’s weekends because no one else could take long weekends.

During this time, my coworker’s position was a revolving door. Since the third coworker position was eliminated, I saw three people leave me and I was tasked with training the new person. It was hard not to warn them of things to come. No one stayed longer than four months except me. I was closing in on two years with the company. I had become accustomed to heading into work two hours before my boss or coworker did, so that I could put in an 11 hour day (eight hours paid)  and still be able to leave in time for the night classes I was taking. I would leave each day thinking that my boss’s audacity could not be topped. She was pregnant again and preparing for maternity leave. Surely, she’d hire some temps to help. We waited.

Two days before my boss went out on leave, she strolled into my cubicle to formally tell me that they were not hiring a temp while she was away. I couldn’t even tell you what my face looked like, but my boss must have noticed my discouragement. In her best management speech to date, she told me, “You won’t need a temp!  I was on maternity leave over a year ago. In that time, I’m sure you learned how to do your job even quicker!” She was serious. I put in my two week notice the next morning.